God nearly made me crash my car last week. Driving through suburban Dublin, minding my own business, I observed, hanging from a lamppost, a poster. Mind you, not any poster. Referring to the two referenda on same sex marriage and lowering the age for standing in presidential elections (below the present 35 yrs) this poster declared

God says No! Nature says No! Vote NO!

I was pretty upset, crushed in fact, because I was not aware that God was giving interviews.

I immediately returned home and, not to be outdone, I contacted God for the Breatnach Blog to get a deeper and more in-depth interview on the referendum issues, perhaps even some ancillary stories let slip by an unwary tongue.

It was exhausting. For seven days and seven nights we discussed the issue, She referring me repeatedly to both the Old and New Testaments, the various translations, which I then had to consult. To make matters more difficult She refused to clarify the passages She referred me to, including apparent contradictions within the Old and the New and between the Old and the New and between all the various translations.
In the end, wait for it, are you sitting down? Her position could be summarised as following:

                       vote whichever way you want.

Couldn’t be clearer! Wow! The wisdom!

In relation to the other referendum on lowering the Presidential qualifying age, while not coming down on one side of the argument or the other, She referred to rumors of her own philosophically superior historic debates with religious leaders in the local Mediterranean temples while only a teenager. She also suggested that perhaps not all of our own Irish presidential decisions would qualify, in hindsight, and intelligence-wise, as those made by 35 plus year-olds.

She was tight-lipped on all other matters, refusing to be drawn on the next Irish election date, Her own Judgement Day selection date, rumors of a recent coup in Hell, and the winning lotto numbers.

Next week on the Breatnach Blog:
‘My bad press is just a puff of smoke, I’m really a nice guy! I’ll give you anything you want. Just Ask.’