Recently overheard simultaneously in Gogan’s Lounge, The Scotch House and The Palace Bar public houses, Dublin.
‘Sometimes I feel like I’m talking to myself,’ said Myles.
‘I know what you mean,’ said Flann.
‘It’s disgraceful! our government demanding an enquiry,’ said Myles, ‘into the activities of the Garda Heavy Gang.’
‘Sure the Heavy Gang consistently say they never existed,’ said Flann.
‘Like clerical child abuse and the abortion boat,’ said Myles.
‘And a bullying Pulse system,’ said Flann.
‘I hear Osgur Breatnach says it’s the 42nd anniversary of Gardaí kidnapping and physically and mentally torturing him and framing him,’ said Flann.
‘Sure that couldn’t happen here!’ said Myles.
‘Obviously not- did the government apologise?’
‘No.’
‘Or demand the Gardaí initiated a criminal investigation?’
‘No. Never happened. QED. Gardaí involved in criminality? Couldn’t happen here.’ Said Myles.
‘Well, not outside Kerry anyway,’ said Flann.
‘Hmmm, or maybe Donegal,’ said Myles.
‘But it definitely happened across the border,’ said Flann, ‘to the Hooded Men’.
‘Oh yes, and our government is rightly supporting their claims!’ said Myles.
‘It has long been Irish international diplomatic policy to support human rights,’ said Flann.
‘Particularly outside the Irish border,’ said Flann.
‘Then there’s the PTSD the Hooded Men all suffer from,’ said Myles
‘And anyone else sexually and economically abused,’ said Flann.
‘Yes, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder goes with torture and abuse and usually with any kind of trauma,’
‘Eh, across the border,’ said Flann.
‘Yes, I’m upset to hear the Irish Government has broken with Ireland’s traditional international policy.’
‘You mean, by announcing they’re to hold an impartial public inquiry into Breatnach’s kidnap, torture and framing?’ said Flann.
‘Yes.’
‘Ah don’t worry!’ said Flann.
‘How so?’ said Myles.
‘That was all in a yesterday. In Ireland, ongoing criminal conspiracies of silence and non-activity have a sell-by-date.’
‘Right.’
‘And anyway, today is April 1st!’ said Flann
‘Ah you got me there!’ said Myles, ‘I thought talk of an inquiry was a bit far-fetched.’
‘But not across the border,’ said Flann.
‘Ah, denial is your only man!’ said Myles.
Note to readers: Flann O Brien and Myles na gCopaleen were two of the many pen names used by Brian O’Nuallain in his satirical writings.